Here is a little excerpt I wrote on November 5th, 2022, during a mental breakdown.
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"I want. I need- perhaps. I have (-nots).
Perhaps the one I really have is here. Not there. Over here.
'Where?'
Keep looking,
I tell the voices in my head. To shut them up perhaps, or feed into the banter and disgust.
'Do you mind?'
Whom am I speaking to? Am I speaking?
-Silence.-
Weird.
No, you. And Me. And everyone else.
No, just me. Cringe.
'YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SPECIAL HUH!'
Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. Maybe - liar.
It’s not fair.
I never end up with what I want.
Attract, and not chase.
I always end up with what I never asked for.
Bullshit."
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